A much delayed post.
Over the last few weeks, I felt I stepped into an emotional quicksand.
It wasn't something new. I guess each and everyone have their own moments of weakness and it's probably one of those days of the month that makes it worse.
So what do you do? Phone a friend? Ask Facebook? Or 50 searches and 50 answers in Google?
And when you do try to talk about it, quite often, a "what happened" phrase readily greets you.
Of course!
Not that it's wrong or anything. But there are times when you just suddenly feel "everything doesn't make sense anymore"
At least to you that is.
- you question your own existence
- you don't really know what you want anymore or grew tired of not getting to what you want for you're already unsure of what you want in the first place.
I hate to admit, it's quite pathetic to hit that thought in your life. Especially when you're in your late twenties.
I lay so defeated in tears
I was tired hitting this point all over again
I questioned my being and feeling disappointed with myself
As a result, I felt so burned out with every activity whether it was work or play. Like a zombie on autopilot, performing what I need to do, acting like nothing's wrong while my soul tries to tear my heart apart.
I eventually gave up reading the bible and listening to spiritual podcasts daily for I felt that continuing with it was pointless if I could fall back to this state again
I avoided my spiritual group meetings and Sunday service.
I didn't want to let anyone talk to me further about God or anymore scriptures.
I didn't make excuses either and told them bluntly that I'm spiritually burnt out.
Redemption- How God made a way
After a few weeks and one innocent Sunday, we had a family gathering together with my cousins and relatives. It was a grand lunch buffet at Circles restaurant, Shangri-la, Makati.
It was possibly the best lunch buffet I've ever had and I truly enjoyed the experience.
Not really expecting to go anywhere after the feast since I'm so burnt out, the conversation somehow shifted to my cousins goal to fulfill life balance and how she was looking for the right spiritual community to grow in.
I simply mentioned the church I used to go to which is Victory, Greenhills and she became quite excited about it saying that her friends are also recommending her to join.
Seeing her curious and enthusiastic, I now find myself accompanying them to show what Victory Church is all about.
They were in for a surprise!
It wasn't any typical Catholic church where people read in monotonous tones and sang the same old solemn songs.
Everything was so much alive and beaming with energy. From the band, to the singers, the lights and the pastor's voice.
It was a new and life changing experience for them to know that such a lively church exists.
The topic for that day was Healing - how to claim God's promises for abundant health in your life.
I thought it was just going to be a simple listen-only service. Little did I know we were going to discover how to become healers as Jesus intended it to be.
How?
By pairing everyone and guiding us step by step to perform healing on each other.
The promise
Jesus has died for our sins and redeemed us of all kinds of sickness.
Jesus used the power of the Holy Spirit to heal believers who seek Him in faith
We as believers can also heal others in Jesus name.
The healing process
Jesus commanded healing.
He didn't say lengthy prayers that seemed like pleading or begging.
Since there were three of us, I let my cousins pair themselves and I paired up with a new acquaintance named 'Sally'
Each person will reveal to the other what sort if sickness or ailment they are currently facing. And each person will command healing to each other.
The prayer
Lay your hands over the area where healing is needed
With conviction and faith, say out
"In Jesus name, (your sickness), I rebuke you. Amen"
As simple as that.
After the activity, A lot of people claimed to feel better and were sharing their experiences with the pastor. I became concerned if my cousins would find this practice very odd since it was their first time attending a Christian service. But instead, they also claimed to have felt better and feel some sort if healing.
For myself, I requested my slight neck pain and emotional pain to be healed.
My neck did feel better. I felt a soft electrifying sensation in my neck and the pain subsided.
As for my emotional pain, I can't really say it has healed me completely (yet) but i came to realize that I must not completely give up seeking God's word and that life burn out I've been feeling for the past few weeks have somehow faded.
Well, at least enough to keep me going and believing again.
And Sally, my healing acquaintance whispered to me,
"whatever you are going through
God now sets you free
For He wants to fill and heal your heart"
Thoughts After
I've never encountered such deep application of prayer and faith in Victory Church. It was that one rare service I could have missed if not for my cousin's burning curiosity.
After sharing this story to my friend, she revealed to me that
"God really loves and cares for you
He wants you to be free from bondages you are in.
He wants you to experience life to the full.
Even though you forget about God. He finds a way to pursue you because hat is how much He loves you."
For emotional pain-
"When we want to uproot deep emotional pain, we can't do it ourselves. It takes time and we need to rely on God's grace and strength to fight the battle."
"I'm amazed how God worked on your life that day."
"Christ already won the battle for you. Trust Him completely"
"Surround yourself with people who bring you up"
This ends my quicksand trance and continuation of my journey with faith and love.
I am saved.
I know it's not easy and it's a process.
Are you able to relate to feeling stuck like a quicksand trance? How did you overcome it?
salmon and oysters were delightfully fresh
foie gras!
8 years ago
